The Lord and My Confusion

I am usually not one for religion, any religion actually. Most of us grow up learning one religion and as we get older, our faith remains strong or we start seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. That's how I saw it.

I was brought up to be Christian. Us children used to go to church with an elderly neighbor as far as I can remember, but that was so long ago that its hard to remember everything correctly. But as I grew, I fell away from that habit. Everyday I thought, "There is no Lord. If there were, then all of things wouldn't happen to me, to my family, to people I know. There wouldn't be so much fighting and hatred amongst people who are suppose to love each other. There is no Lord, because He's not protecting or guiding me."

Recently, I believe I've had a change of heart.

I could barely sleep one night. Tossed and turned, had a ton of nonsense running through my head. Thoughts of things that just kept bringing me down. But I finally got to sleep, for a little while. I woke shortly after 2am and again had those thoughts eating at me. These thoughts have been here a while, I began to believe they were going to stay. I felt like giving up on the things that I wanted to do. "What's it matter." I thought. "I'll never be where I want to be. These people are right to say the things they say about me, because I am no better than they say I am." But it stopped. Something told me STOP! "These people are trying to tear you down to their level. You are better than that. Where have they gotten? And where are you? What have you began to do for yourself, for your future?" An unexplained strength hit me and I felt like crying. These words are true, but I never find myself saying them enough. I'm so quick to put myself down, but this strength, it was all the things I needed to hear, without a voice.

I believe the strength that came to me that early morning was the work of the Lord. Something I used to know in my heart, in my roots, but have drifted away from with disbelief. This revelation couldn't have come at a better time though. I guess its true that as we get older, our "Religion Cup" looks half empty instead of half full and sometimes it just takes something happening for someone to find that other half of the glass again.

Lesson 10: Just make it ....

In life, you are only guaranteed a few things: death and yourself. Meaning that the only thing you are ever promised to have in life, is yourself. You are the only person that can truly make you happy and no other person can complete that or take it away, unless you allow them to. This just means that you never allow anyone to do so.

You are destined to be miserable unless you are looking out for yourself, especially when it comes to relationships. Never fully give your heart to someone, if you choose to, don't expect to get that same love in return. In a relationship, there will always be one individual who cares and loves more than the other. And no matter how well you know someone, don't fully trust them, with anything. One thing you should always account for when you think you can confide in someone is to at least have a few problems with them. No friendship is perfect and you will disagree sooner or later. So don't say anything to them that you don't want anyone else to hear, because all it takes is one slip of the mouth from that one person you told.

As you get older you learn to build a wall to protect yourself, it's something we all do, we have to. Well that wall should never come down, for anyone. You may allow someone in by taking a few bricks out here and there, but never take a full wall down. Compare that to living in a house with only three walls; it makes you completely vulnerable to the elements from one side.

In the end there is just one thing to keep in mind: when it comes to your heartache, pain and sorrow, and wiping those tears away from your porcelain eyes, the only person you have to count on, is you.

Lesson 9: Learning to live with YOU. . .

So for this one there isn't much I can say. Learning to live with yourself is something only YOU can do. I can lend my advice and a pointer or two but its up to you to decide what you believe will work. Now see, the biggest thing that anyone has to remember is: We are all human. Being human just means that you eat, sleep, think, talk, etc. We aren't programmed like computers, there's nothing telling us exactly what we have to do. We should all understand what needs to be done to survive, that should be a given. But everything else in life is determined by who you are, what you are working towards, and what you let effect you. Find a path that works for you, set yourself some goals, find what YOU want to be. There's not much else I can say; this here is the simple part, the rest you figure out on your own: how to deal with your problems, your stresses, its up to you.